is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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