do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
