my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The Olympian is in my bed
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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