He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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