I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
