is your mom at the bar?
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
