I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
