I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
