tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
