I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
All the doctor said was why
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
