Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Randomize
