I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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