put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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