kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
