Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
