Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
