I'm jealous of your bromance
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
