I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
