in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
