my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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