I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
