So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
