Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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