I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
