I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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