We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
