Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
