You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
