mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
In America we eat man semen.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
