so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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