the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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