Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
