Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
