you guys were way drunker than both of me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
