You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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