we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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