so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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