she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
