My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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