just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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