i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
