By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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