I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
