so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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