lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
