Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
