Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize