You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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