Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Houston, we have a blender
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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