I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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