my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
