Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
