4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
