i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We have started to decorate penises.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
