Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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