We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize