I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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