i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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