I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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