I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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