He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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